Bullets for my gun

If I can figure out how to load bullets in a gun the plan could work. The problem is, there are so many boxes of bullets and I do not know what goes to what gun. Timing is going to be a problem with my husband always up my ass these days. My PTSD has...

Nobody Listens To Little Girls

Everyday in my town, Lansing Michigan, Dr, Larry Nassar has been on trial for sexually assaulting over 200 young women.  Justice...  The #metoo movement opened the floodgates to the horrors women and young children have endured for centuries as a result of a culture created to ignore the cries of little girls.  One echoing message...

Tragedy – Death – Shock

We were married in July of 1999, he died unexpectedly in December of 1999.  I was working for a failing non-profit organization and he, my husband, was viewing the building my employer had for sale.  Then a couple of weeks later I was asked to run an evening substance abuse group at a church,  when...

Naltrexone Side Effects

Since June of last year I have lost 20 pounds unintentionally.  At first, I blamed the naltrexone for causing gastrointestinal complications requiring me to eat every meal in the bathroom.  Not really, that is gross, but you get the point... Then loss of appetite which is very common with this medication did not help my...

Holy SHIT 2017!!

Thus far, the year 2017 was the most unforgettable period in my life.  First and foremost, I would like to give a "shout out of thanks" to the pharmaceutical companies who make psychiatric medications. LOL... Also, my psychiatric nurse practitioner for discontinuing medication that left me emotionless, numb and cold for over 10 years. For...

Overdose

Everything was so peaceful and pain-free, and then the burning in my nose, narcan... and I slip away again.  I can hear voices...hang in there...what did she take...burning in my vein, so cold, so very cold.  I hear sirens,  the pain is excruciating, I am struggling to breath.  I open my eyes, there is 9...

Who’s to say good or bad…

Who's to say good or bad... The story goes like this, a man had a horse run away from his farm, friends said to him, "wow you are falling on bad times", the man replied, "who's to say good or bad".  The next day the man's son found the horse and while riding back to...

Karma, I call bullshit

Where did I park my truck?  I just continued to drive the motorized shopping cart around the Wal-Mart parking lot,  4 degrees outside,  the wheels keep getting stuck in the snow.  My foot is still throbbing from last night's dresser drawer injury, where is my fucking truck!  Screw it, I am not going to find...

Addy – Jacobsen Syndrome

My granddaughter Addy has Jacobsen Syndrome, a rare genetic chromosomal disorder. Without getting too clinical, chromosome 11q has a deletion, resulting in severe developmental, physical and mental  delays.  Tomorrow Addy turns 3 years old, she is a miracle, and I have no idea what life would be like without her in our family. Through the...

RANT

Still one of those people who feels emotional anxiety, physical exhaustion, and a general sense of being overwhelmed after a vulnerable interaction.  Particularly, when said interaction was in an unfamiliar environment,  with a loved one whom I have hurt. I am a fucking mess tonight!  I can't sleep my head is going 100 miles an...

Shame

There is no shame and/or guilt compared to a parent who fucked up with their children.  I could write a book on the numerous failures of raising my children.  It is only until you mess up your own children do you forgive your parents, and the cycle continues.  Believe me, your children will blame you...

3 Vasectomies Later

I wonder if my mother has died yet.  How can someone survive so long in hospice?  They say you die how you lived,  well she was a miserable person,  therefore she will die a miserable death.  My only regret, not asking her the truth about who my real father is. Is he the one on...

Hope

Found myself enjoying the sound of christmas music today.  What the hell is going on? I was looking at wreaths, smiling, and shopping.  To be honest, I am so excited about christmas this year.  Excited most of all to be emotionally, mentally and physically present for my loved ones.  I have been in a very...

Perpetrator

Long story short... I use to be married to a pastor! He died of a heart attack brought on from a relapse of cocaine... But that is a whole other blog. Don't stop reading this!! I no longer am associated with the church. However, I do have this belief in something, call it God, call...

The sky is falling!

All of a sudden the proverbial train stopped,  and I am just sitting here and in front of me is all this trauma.  I got in a fight with my cupboard this morning, well really,  I was pretending like the cupboard was my dead ex husband, I won the fight... then ended up having to...

Depression…

There is nothing more pathetic than a depressed person laying on the couch in there pajamas all day.  Almost five days out of this depression and I can say that maybe time does heal things.  I am convinced that Michigan is completely depressed right now!  I swear there has been NO sunshine in almost three...

“Bread” Cancer, misdiagnosis journal

In June of 2017 I begin feeling unwell, at the time I had vague symptoms loose stools, intermittent abdominal pain and photo-sensitivity. Then loss of appetite, I embraced it at the time. I needed to lose a "few" pounds. I had thyroid cancer in 2012 thus a life long hyperthyroidism issue. I had started new...