Found myself enjoying the sound of christmas music today. What the hell is going on? I was looking at wreaths, smiling, and shopping. To be honest, I am so excited about christmas this year. Excited most of all to be emotionally, mentally and physically present for my loved ones. I have been in a very dark place over the past few months and damn it, I am going to enjoy the fucking christmas music!
There has been too many years where I was emotionally numb and unable to be close to people important to me, my family. Lets be clear, when I say family, I mean my children, grandchildren, husband, not my extended family. The emotional numbing began to change a little over a year ago as a result of my disability retirement, taking psch medications, therapy, EDMR, heartache, grief, tears and a whole lot of time spent with the people I love.
I hope this isn’t just a feeling today. I am going to be so fucking pissed if the sky falls tomorrow.