I was born in a trailer park in Norwich, Connecticut. Not the most impressive birth place but, an appropriate start to an inappropriate life. My mother was a high school dropout who ran off and married a sailor at fifteen, the only worldly wisdom she had to offer was based on an ideology centered around superstition.
Before I took my first breath an old gypsy women told my mother her unborn child would be cursed. And for reasons I will discuss later, when my father found out my mother was pregnant with me he threw his wedding ring into the Atlantic ocean. They already had three boys ages 1, 2 and 3 and now another child. Then there was the birth of me, I turned around in the birth canal during labor and was born ass first via the vagina.
I watched a documentary on feral children years ago, it was heartbreaking to see how a lack of human contact can affect someone. Although my experience was not that of a feral child, I could not shake the similarities. It took two days for my mother to hold me, the nurses had to force the issue. Nevertheless, I was taken back to the trailer park and left in a crib for the majority of my infancy. My earliest memory was being in the bathroom alone, I must have been around 2 or 3 years old and fell ass first into the toilet. There is one picture of my siblings, father and I where they are all piled on top of each other, and over to the side is me with my head down holding a stuffed monkey.
The only clear memory I have with my mother during my younger years is of her teaching me to make a bed. I use to make everyone’s beds, dust, pick up, organize toys and obsess over disorder at 5 years old. The obsession with cleanliness and order should have been a big red flag for OCD. One time a neighborhood girl spit gum out and it stuck to the outside of our home. I snapped, took the gum and rubbed it in her hair…mind you, she had hair to her waist…it had to be cut short. I was beaten with the belt something fierce. I could not understand why I was in trouble, she is the one who spit gum onto our home. I can still remember her mother screaming at me, I felt nothing, because in my mind, she caused disorder in my world. Therefore, I did nothing wrong by cleaning up the mess and giving the neighbor girl her gum back!